I know that bila aku angkat tangan sekurang-kurangnya for them

I've read somewhere before "those who ask, adalah mereka yg tak tahu pada masa itu, tapi mereka yang tidak tanya akan bodoh selama-lamanya" that sounds lebih kurang  right...

It was a long time ago and it's an English proverb.  Just came to  mind..

Since I've had this realization, of wanting to study hard and smart and obtain awesome grades (Amin...) , I've been studying before the class starts, and because of that I want to and I was able to answer the questions that the lecturers ask, because kita nak be able to remember the lessons better and so that I don't have to study so hard coz I've done half of the studying in the classroom. 

Yesterday, kita rase in the same classroom I raised my hand three times, by the third time  Puan dah tak nak choose me untuk answer the questions. So rasenya I'm facing a problem I fear the most and perhaps the mean reason why I sucked when I was doing my diploma : PEER PRESSURE.

Because of my sudden productivity and bravery in asking and answering questions to lecturers, ada balak ni, perhaps bergurau je and mungkin kita  yg lebih terasa , but it really got to me.

Situasinya macam ni, lab tadi, So Mr K ni datang lambat, there's this guy perhaps older than me tapi sama kelas, he said I should call Mr K sebab 

" Rad kan berani . semua soalan ko nak jawab , semua soalan ko nak angkat tangan"

The question made me felt like, I want to go back to my sucky self. Rase mcm aku tak nak berusaha dah , rase mcm tak nak ask question dah, because if I do what I do and  I don't improve myself, rase mcm sia-sia, wouldn't they say," budak ni cakap je banyak tapi average je pun.  "

But I do feel like I'm making progress , but what he said made me feel like I want to end it there and then and be like the rest of them , tapi their results suck kut, and I don't want to have a sucky result lagi dah.

Kita rase macam , nak cakap kat dia 

"I'm asking and answering tons of questions ,sebab korang yg tak nak jawab mase dalam kelas, Kita nak improve kan kita punya result, if you guys don't then that's your problem"

I want to get DEKAN for myself tapi bila dah ade org cakap mcm ni rase mcm he's telling me to be like the rest of them : silent all the time and obtain result yang sama macam diorg. 

Tapi  bila dah macam ni, the only thing that is in my head when ever I raise my hand , is that at least I'm doing it for them...