Things I know I should do

So now that I am jobless, I know there are things that I should do,but I haven't have the time to do them.

Things I should do

1. LOOK FOR JOBS ( Currently hold a very active Jobstreet account)

2. HARD BIND MY DISSERTATION

3. To revise my mandarin  (Since I found that many jobs need their employees to have high proficiency in MANDARIN )

4. To revise my English and to write a short story yg tak terkeluar dari otak ( and make sure I do not get worse by the minute)

5. To start a facilitating company ( Since staying home and doing nothing does not bring in any money, just imagine how cool it would be, if sekali goyang kaki  boleh bawak masuk RM 100)

6. Maybe admit, like I have admitted to my mom and dad, "Kalo tak dapat kerja jugak by the end of this year, I should just continue my studies"

I guess three out of six, takde lah teruk sgt kan,  I have LOOK for JOBS,  Revised my English ( kalo baca and taip balik cool phrases and sentences, can be defined as revising?)  and I've already started a facebook group with my friends who are interested in starting a FACILITATING COMPANY. So Woohoo!!!

While for the others, takde  kesempatan lagi nak pi kedai fotostat untuk hard bind thesis, I like English more than I like Mandarin ( so there I've said it) , and no I am not ready to admit to myself to just give up the job search and sambung belajar. BELUM LAGI!!!

My oh my,  I  have lots of things to do being jobless kan?

Ntah... We'll see

I woke up on Monday, feeling weird on the fact that I don't have to do the things I usually do anymore.

ATTENDING CLASSES.

My mom has embedded/ instilled/ programmed in me (from I was 7)  that I should at least study sampai degree. And I spent 16 years just doing that and I did it. A pang of jealousy hit me, when I saw the status updates of my friends who are still studying. It finally hit me that I am not a student any longer. I am both happy and empty.

Happy things end well. Takde paper perlu di repeat, pointer tak serendah masa diploma, no longer bangun awal2 pagi so that when I arrived in the lab tak payah tunggu giliran untuk guna micropippete yg already sgt sikit tu.

Empty because, I've been studying so hard all these years just to get a degree. Going out with friends till like 4.00 am for dinner and karaoke. And now that has ended, I  have come to realization there's no more to life.   Drama queen kan?

That is why I couldn't  about blog anything. Since there is really nothing going on with my life...  :(

So sekarang I will look at my jobstreet account daily, see if there are any responds to my applications and wait. Or  maybe be a good girl and  sambung master like my mom want me to..

Ntah... We'll see

Dulu-dulu

Well not really dulu-dulu, lebih pada 2-3 tahun lepas I was a different person. I used to bring a book, a novel specifically.. everywhere  with me. So that in between classes, in between labs I will have something to read sampai lunyai novel yg agak tebal dan mahal (RM 40 to me is quite expensive) tu. That is how I come up with the url for this blog "Bendauntukdibaca". I Then I own an mp4 player, after that  the phone yg boleh main mp3. Well lets just say, those reading days are now over.

 Its not that I don't read. Its just that I stopped reading proper English.  And I believe that it has a token a toll on my literary works (wah perasaan). I sware, rasanya english masa ambik SPM dulu lebih baik dari sekarang lebih correct grammarnya, lebih berbunga-bunga. Now try as I might, I don't think I can anymore. Nak tulis apa pun tak tahu, ni kan pulak berbunga-bunga...

That is why I don't want to pursue masters, I think time spent writing my FYP thesis (which composed of segala-segalanya, DARAH, MARAH, TEARS, SELF ESTEEM YG SEMAKIN HARI SEMAKIN LEMAH dek kena marah supervisor everytime I went to see him) have like really stricken me of my creativity and spirit. I couldn't even put my own words and identity into my thesis. It's all his. Semua yg cantik dan kreatif habis dipotongnya buat ayat baru. Sure I get an A-, but really I don't want to go through it again.

Now that I have nothing to do (kecuali menghantar resume to all the non- scientisty companies I can think of dengan harapan dapatlah kerja by the end of this month) I've started to read again, site site yg ade cerita dengan ayat berbunga-bunga for now cth, mcm  City of  shared stories kuala lumpur, fanfiction ( mcm tak proper je yg tu), blogs yg use ayat berbunga-bunga and other improper things . Maybe  I even read buku-buku yg terperap dalam kotak tu.

And maybe just maybe after a whole lot of reading, reading, and reading... I will write again...

Perginya Cory Monteith...

I never thought myself as a fanatic of the entertainment industry. I listen to things I feel like listening to. I watch things I feel like watching. I was wrong. I am a big fan of Glee. I like how the show bagi nafas baru (as my mom says ) to new and old songs. Many times, I think the cover they did was better than the original songs.

 A few weeks ago the actor who played Finn  died. Being a big fan of the show, I was devastated. He was the essence of Glee. He was there when Glee started. I was hoping to see him when Glee ended as well.  Never was I am a big a fan of something,  and now that I am,  pelakon utamanya pulak kena mati...

I was even more heartbroken, when the results of the autopsy showed he died of drug abuse. Isn't in ironic how in Glee, his character was the son of a dead drug addict? My mom said, with Monteith being over 30 and all "dia sepatutnya pandai fikir dah". But still, with the show losing its edge season after season, his death is going to make the show a lot worse.

His death is a great loss, both to the show and to his fans. Although I'm sad, that he is dead, I think my mom is right, he should know better. Mungkin kalau dia cukup matang and he have think things through.. he wouldn't have met his untimely end.
And I wouldn't have to be this sedih...

kad raya hidung berdarah

It has been some years since I sent out raya cards to my friends and loved ones. The last one I sent out was when I was 18, in UiTM, a first semester student. Lepas tu busy with assignments and exams...I said to myself why bother? Takde yg nak balas balik pun...

But isn't this the sweetest thing? I got this yesterday from a friend who didn't even know my actual name.It came as a surprise... well not really.. she asked for my address so I kind of know what she was up to.

But I'm glad. It feels like a birthday present.Which I haven't received in some years.




On a totally different matter, my cat (Ameng) sneezed blood yesterday. It wasn't just sekali bersin. Bersin berdarah yg berulang ulang kali. There was a blood splatter on the white tiles. My mom the one yg noticed, my cat was sneezing terlalu kuat  terlalu banyak kali. Then my mom wiped her nose with a tissue liked it was nothing.

Later that night, when I was trying to get some sleep, Ameng lied down on my chest, with her nose facing my face, like its' late mother, Meme, did when she was alive. I like it. Other than it reminded me of Meme, she also felt like a warm and cozy bekas air panas on my chest. Then I REMEMBERED, earlier today she SNEEZED BLOOD.

My family (dearest cousin)

I have this cousin... I wrote about her in a previous post... She 's a very 'sihat' five- year old (if you know what I mean). Since she lives with my grandmother, my aunt and her dad.... there's not really things for her  to do ataupun someone to play with...  rasa nya tu sebab she gained a few pounds....

So when we (by we I mean my parents  and  I) came over to break fast last week... she gets really excited. I guess sebab ade org untuk hiburkan dia... but my god  she was really active  (not to mention heavy) and sgt manja...my mom  rase agak kesian kat dia.. she has no one to play with on a daily basis...

That weekend, my mom and me (or is it my my mom and  I) pergi beli baju raya untuk at the nearest  Mydin.. since we managed to get her measurements that night... you wouldn't believe how hard is it untuk cari baju kurung for a five-year old dengan ukuran pinggang 32 inci.. in the month of ramdhan of all months.. where semua org keluar untuk shopping... dari bawah sampai ke atas,  from that baju kurung to this baju kurung,... dengan my mom  with her measuring tape... when we finally found... mind you baju kurung yg sgt panjang that is meant untuk budak yg berumur 8thn kut... my mom search the mall again for a baju blouse but to no avail...

See susah untuk cari baju raya.. untuk budak yg agak 'sihat' ...maybe if she's living a healthier lifestyle  doing and eating healthy things... dia mungkin x kan debab...... and mungkin x masih pakai diaper mcm sekarang (I'm glad that my grandmother didn't babysat me too long)

I love her.. she's my family,  she's practically the little sister I've never had.. maybe because  she's a debab resurrection  of me... but I seriously think she's better off living with her parents and her brother.... at least she would be a lot more discipline and living a healthier lifestyle too...
 But what can I do my my uncle (her dad) mane boleh tinggal  my nenek mcm tu je... since my  nenek sgt syg my uncle that he can't live by himself...


I pray that my cousin syg as she gets older will have colourful and enriched life... ( a little discipline and structure wouldn't hurt of course)

the 'Mom card'

 Peace upon you and Selamat berpuasa
I'm graduating... soon. Last friday I've received surat tawaran utk buat master...
As with every ending the is always a beginning.. itu sebab I am never sad... sebab with every new people I meet I got to reinvent myself, be someone better and hopefully make lasting friendships. Bukannya tak suka dgn kawan kawan lama, its just that susah nak bina diri balik dgn kawan-kawan lama, diorg tak boleh accept that you want to change, you want to be a better person..... they find that it is a little too weird that you want start to talk to them or make friends with them...

But I did make a few great friends if not many.... mungkin lebih baik mcm tu... so that I'll value their friendships... sebab maybe Tuhan lebih tahu, if I have a lot of friends I'll probably take them for granted...

To me, this beginning comes with options....
1) untuk kerja.. not part time but really work...
2)untuk sambung master
3)I'm even planning to start a company with a few friends....


I have decided to get a job ages go. Since, I have spent the last.... well I don't know... 5 years finishing my diploma+degree...exhausting both my brain and body.....I guess work is just the same... tapi  at least I will get paid this time ...

And then there's my mom with her Mom card, telling me how she wants me to pursue my studies, it wasn't just telling it was like a NARRATION as why I should do it and why during her time she didn't... to guilt me into it I guess...in the month of Ramadhan of all months

Don't get me wrong.. I DO want to pursue my studies.. just not now..not just when I've just finished my  degree... tapi she thinks aku tak nak blajar sampai bila-bila..

Permaisuri ku and her CARDS ......