Doing lab

There's no pleasure like menyalah gunakan U punya internet, while waiting for the lab  to finish. I hate this, I seriously hate this. Lab periods that was supposed to be for two hours habis dalam masa 4-5 jam .I hate how lab work usually take over my life. How lab work ,menyebabkan I can't enjoy my life, I can't attend debating activities. I usually can't study because of the never ending lab reports dan dia punya result yang macam hampeh and kitaorg supposed to discuss why result dia macam hampeh, damn I feel so empty.

Other than that my eyes are sore right now cause of my contact lenses, and I can't take them off because I didn't bring my case because lab period yang sepatutnya habis tak habis-habis lagi. Man, the things I do for the people I love.... okay I think it is about time now. hopefully it is ready and I can go home now.

I figured when there are a lot of things happening

I figured when there are a lot of things happening there will always be something to write about.. This is so true yet so WRONG..... There are so many things happening, the debate club,  there was a dinner held  by my course in uitm,  we visited the old folks home, that one day when I say damn a little too much until my roomate got annoyed, I met a guy who wants to be a millionaired by the age of 28, the goverment Ironic decision to change IPTA'S kuliah timetable (I'm usually all for the goverment, tapi kali  ni sungguh tidak).  So sebab banyak kena buat kerja ni, updating kena postpone next time.

Even I don't know what lies ahead..

How wonderful are my roomates  this semester Chy and Teh, diorg sgt comel dan adorable.This is what they have told me to write. Perhaps this is because I am in a biul state right now, apparently I am too biul to study mandarin but have just the right amount of  biul  to let them tell me what to write in my blog. I guess I'll let them have this one. 

My future is mine. Cakap senang bikin susah tau. But sorry to say my future is not wholly mine , my future belongs to me, it is my mom's and my dad's. Since a lot of things I do now, sangat berkait with my mom  and dad since diorang yg carved my future.  

One of the reasons, for this post is a talk I have had with my mom. It's more an argument than a talk.

 I've entered UiTM's debate club. It is awesome. Never would have I tought I'll be proud of my english, and find myself in an English talking community in UiTM. They use like really2 big words, words that I think only  lawyers would understand, so kita rase ashamed and challenged at the same time. I've entered my first tournament , b coz ade group yg tak leh attend. 

And we didn't lose too badly, for Someone who've joined debate club for a week maybe two , I thought we did good.  So I've sacrified one of my weekends. So I didn't study.  like didn't study at all with 3 tests piling up all week along.

So told my mother about it. Dia said something like this " tulah ko ikut nafsu, ko dah janji kat diri kau, kau akan jaga diri kau mase degree ni  benda ni ko boleh buat mase kau tua tau"

you see one of the many things I've learn from debate club is

NOTHING IS UNDISPUTABLE

so although I feel like I want to cry bila dia ckp macam tu, I have kuat kan diri  and said these words to her "mana mami tau Rad ada peluang macam ni lagi bila dah tua" senyap gak lah dia for 3-5 seconds.

Because I  know it  as much as she knows what lies in my future, is that we both know nothing. How does she know that  I'll  have this exact chance and oppurtinity when I'm old. What if I'm destined to work in a lab and do the same things everyday and will never got to do this, the thing that I love so very much : my English and my presenting skills.

Kalo mase tgk bakteria bawah microscope tu boleh jadi MC untuk majlis konvo diorg ke ape  ke takpe lah gak . Ni cakap "hi tgh buat apa tu?"   pun tak leh, kalo buat macam tu mesti org dalam lab fikir biul ke kurang waras budak ni?

My point is,

kalo kita sendiri tuan punya badan  don't know what lies in my future, apa yg buat dia lebih tahu?  Disebabkan tu, shouldn't I grab the first oppurtinity and chance that I've got  to show to the world @public what are the magnificent things I'm capable of? (poyo nak mampus budak ni, magnificent tu)

Senang cakap kalo kita tak buat sekarang, bila lagi kita nak buat? Ada satu lagi sebab sebenarnya kenapa kita tulis pasal future ni, but till next time.

Felt lain MACAM-macam

They say if I did get job, they would give me a call. but they didn't. My roomate told me that her bestfriend's roommate got the job. So tahulah tak dapat. Dah lah mase tu tgh lipat baju.

chy : apasal ko lipat baju senget2?

aku :  biasalah org x biasa lipat baju.

chy: ko tau tak roomate tiq dah dapat kerja  tu.

aku : ha? ye ke ?

Then lipat baju balik. I tried to control macho.tapi dah namanya perempuan kan  I guess I just couldn't. Then call my mom," I didn't get the job" Mase ni suara aku dah lain macam dah, mami kita cakap ape" ala takpelah ko pun kata nak jaga diri ko sem ni kan. " Then letak telefon. 

Then I couldn't bare it anymore, I grabbed my keys and then went into one of the showers and lock the door. lepas tu nangis mcm jembalang hilang anak, dah agak 30-50 saat macam tu, heard Chy masuk bilik air.

Lepas tu keluar bilik air dgn muka yg sangat sembab dan bengkak. She saw me, lepas tu dia dtg kat kita pujuk kita,  " Nangis, nangis puas2, takpe tak dapat jadi tutor boleh jadi lecturer ye?" Lepas tu dia mandi and then I went back to my room, Lepas tu dgn tak sangkanya , ada coklat atas meja kita . 

Satu bar Chocolate yg mamat yg suka dia ni bagi kat dia, dgn note ini.

Terharunya!!!!! Tak pernah ada org pujuk kita mcm tu,siap bagi coklat lagi, coklat cadbury yg besar dan sedap lak tu.  

Hari tu felt like the worst day of my life dan rase mcm boleh nangis sebulan , rase mcm I have a boyfriend who I love so very2 much, and then he died, mcm tu kut rasenya bf mati .( I had a bf tapi xpernah syg dia, guess that's why I dump him) sedih yg teramat sgt, tapi ade roomate yg sgt awesome... jadi legalah sikit,

Tapi  tak sampai seminggu kita dah tak rasa sedih sgt  cuma terkilan, I guess I really wanted it , tapi they went for students with an english background, so what can I do?

Chy did say, mane tau tak dapat jadi cikgu tiba Rad jadi famous lak kat UiTM ni jadi pendebat yg hebat.  (I've joined a UiTM debate club anyways) and debated last week with actual opponents sebab ade kumpulan tak dapat hadir kita org gantilah. And it felt awesome, like I lived, like really really lived....

Betullah apa diorg kata satu pintu tutup, yg lain mesti bukaknya..... Have many more things to tell tapi till next time...

Did an interview and I hope being me is enough

I did an interview for tutoring job held at my hostel. They keep asking me different questions, yet my answers remain the same, I have passion for ENGLISH and I like to present stuff. Tak cukup ke? I gotta say almost every question is about me. Only two questions that are related to tutoring. One of them is how will you attract your students to listen to you?

In many of the questions I let my personality do the talking. I don't know if that's enough, but I hope it is. Bila kita told my mom about the interview, dia kata "Ko pergi jugak? Ko bukannya minat nak jadi cikgu pun"Obviously lah kita pergi kan, bodohla kalau kita x pergikan, sebab English is my first passion, the only reason I didn't do THESOL because I do not want to be exactly like her. Yes I do not want to be a teacher but I'm madly in love with the subject.I know a lot of Others hate it,but I love it. I mean if I were to have a boyfriend then English is my balak.

Let just say I didn't hope to get the job, till I finished the interview. Which sucks, now everything I do semenjak daripada pagi tadi, is how could have I done the interview better, what are the better answers to the questions they have asked. I think I should have known who the Ex co of Academic is, but I didn't, I even pointed at the wrong person.(gila malu)

I feel extremely weird now, I mean I came to the interview hoping for nothing but coming out of  it really really wanting it. This semester, I have new roommates,A roomate of mine  Chy. She's really really cool, and hot too. after I finished the interview she wanted to do the interview too but didn't. Dia kata lepas kita done the interview  ade budak communication interview. So tak taulah if I get the job or not. Since those people are better than a bionerd like me. Dia kata kalau kita tak dapat pun mesti ada hikmahnya, mungkin nanti kita xleh cope with my studies ke ape ke, but I do hope I get the job. So pergi dulu ok...

I know that bila aku angkat tangan sekurang-kurangnya for them

I've read somewhere before "those who ask, adalah mereka yg tak tahu pada masa itu, tapi mereka yang tidak tanya akan bodoh selama-lamanya" that sounds lebih kurang  right...

It was a long time ago and it's an English proverb.  Just came to  mind..

Since I've had this realization, of wanting to study hard and smart and obtain awesome grades (Amin...) , I've been studying before the class starts, and because of that I want to and I was able to answer the questions that the lecturers ask, because kita nak be able to remember the lessons better and so that I don't have to study so hard coz I've done half of the studying in the classroom. 

Yesterday, kita rase in the same classroom I raised my hand three times, by the third time  Puan dah tak nak choose me untuk answer the questions. So rasenya I'm facing a problem I fear the most and perhaps the mean reason why I sucked when I was doing my diploma : PEER PRESSURE.

Because of my sudden productivity and bravery in asking and answering questions to lecturers, ada balak ni, perhaps bergurau je and mungkin kita  yg lebih terasa , but it really got to me.

Situasinya macam ni, lab tadi, So Mr K ni datang lambat, there's this guy perhaps older than me tapi sama kelas, he said I should call Mr K sebab 

" Rad kan berani . semua soalan ko nak jawab , semua soalan ko nak angkat tangan"

The question made me felt like, I want to go back to my sucky self. Rase mcm aku tak nak berusaha dah , rase mcm tak nak ask question dah, because if I do what I do and  I don't improve myself, rase mcm sia-sia, wouldn't they say," budak ni cakap je banyak tapi average je pun.  "

But I do feel like I'm making progress , but what he said made me feel like I want to end it there and then and be like the rest of them , tapi their results suck kut, and I don't want to have a sucky result lagi dah.

Kita rase macam , nak cakap kat dia 

"I'm asking and answering tons of questions ,sebab korang yg tak nak jawab mase dalam kelas, Kita nak improve kan kita punya result, if you guys don't then that's your problem"

I want to get DEKAN for myself tapi bila dah ade org cakap mcm ni rase mcm he's telling me to be like the rest of them : silent all the time and obtain result yang sama macam diorg. 

Tapi  bila dah macam ni, the only thing that is in my head when ever I raise my hand , is that at least I'm doing it for them...

things I think bila dah menghadap buku dalam tempoh masa yg lama.

I bought this box of clay yesterday dekat kedai kat kolej satu ni. I wanted to make a lady bug, but it looked terrible. Since xde black clay, it didn't look much like a lady bug, so I decided to take the spots off.  I did this after trying to remember the  three  steps of Gene expression. What are they again : REPLICATION, TRANSCRIPTION, .....TRANSLATION. (hope benda ni ade dlm kepala otak esok sebelum dia tanya)

You see, I hated subjects about DNA mase diploma, but now I'm takin' a whole course that is all about DNA. So  rather than hating it, I decided betape susahnya pun I want to U-N-D-E-R-S-T-A-N-D and L-O-V-E it. So much so, if  I could make love to it, I would.

YAWN . I am so sleepy right now. I've been studying a lot this days, I guess I'm using my bad CGPA to menebus kemalasan mase diploma. I'm even preparing for the the next lectures to come. (I never do that while doing diploma) I guess because both of my close friend dah obtained dekan, but I haven't . So I'm using this dekan thing as a trigger for me to study harder. Sebab diorang my best friends kut,....kalo diorg boleh dapat dekan kenapa AKU TAK BOLEH ???!!!

(yawn again) I think I'll turn in early tonight.Semalam went to bed at two got up at 6.30 . rase macam nak tercabut kepala otak ni,.menyesal gila x tido awal.