Genap 3 bulan...

Today, genap 3 bulan I have been working as a trainer. Genap 3 bulan I’ve worked my first job.  And I’ve learn much more than I’ve expected. A lot more about myself than the work I’ve at hand.  I’m currently working for a private company that helps the community for free under the government’s wing. Among our programs include to help fresh gads secure their first job and to help the community to start their own business.

My first week… Wow my first week..  Can you imagine going to work dengan sakit kepala dan balik kerja  dengan pening kepala yang  amat sangat, until you feel like you want to vomit all your guts out there and then.

And also in the first week I was called the boss kecik’s office twice for I needed an attitude adjustment. She told me that I need to be humble and I need to relax more.  I am glad that she did.  For the next two months she told me that I am not the best , but I did change the fastest and she appreciated me for that.  I am glad that she told me that. But I worry if I revert back to my old self. 

I’ve learnt so many things during my first week working here, things I hope I’ll never forget.  

I’ve learn so much about my physical, emotional and my mental wellbeing and how I could concentrate this elements to help people. I am also learning to bersabar and deal with whatever the fresh grads are throwing at us. 

There, the first three months of my alam pekerjaan…

I ended up...

I ended up Having the job that I would like to have which I thought was great.  Memang pun bagus. Just that tak sangka kerja nya macam ni. Maybe at the beginning. For this whole week I was making calls for fresh graduates yg pointer nya 2.00-3.2 and haven't yet found a job to join this program to help them found a job.

Isn't it that great? Of course it is kan.

Even my boss told me things that could make me a better person, like I should stop thinking that I am better than everybody else and I should be a team player and I should be a humble person. Which are the essence of being a trainer. See I've already learned so many things about myself

Its just that when I got home for the last five days, I have pening kepala yg amat sgt that it was kind of a hell of a week for me.  So yeah I'm glad I can help people but  I hate that my body was playing tricks on me.

With that being said, my mom told me to go to bed early from now on because maybe it was my tidor lambat  and just started working that caused me to have pening kepala yg teruk sgt when I was at the office

So Wan An and I guess the fanfiction can be read tomorrow night....

What I woke up to today

I live here.
Dekat tepi bukit. Bukit Tampin namenya.
I think it was a pretty sight. Don't you?
Well, I am not very good with the camera..
I've been living here for like thirteen years now.
I used to hate it here, since I felt like I've been forced to move.
But since I started secondary school  mungkin secara x sedarnya I started to like it here.

You see I am a kampung girl, always has been, always will be. The kampung I grew up in was called Slim Village, Slim River Perak. Ulu sgt.... jauh sgt....... I moved to a town when I was 10 sangatlah upset mase tu....

You see I've been praying to God recently to give me a job.
And now I think God has given me more that what I've  wanted

I have two job offers.
One as a customer service. Basically doing basic office work. And should anything goes wrong ,I'll be the person the customers will look for. It is for a renowned  courier company.

The other as a trainer. To help people and companies to find the best in them and use that to help them grow. There will  be a lot of traveling too. So I think it  would be fun.

Both jobs I believe are the same. I get to meet people. But I think the other one is more in my area. Both jobs are dekat city. The second one is at Damansara Perdana. And this place scares the hell out of me. Sgt banyak kereta and I am not a very strong driver.  So today I woke up thinking, nanti kerja dah x dapt tgk sights like these and do stuff that I am doing now. Kind of why I got out of the house mase matahari pun belum nampak lagi.

Esok I need to tell the latter company, that I am taking their offer.Kind of why I am feeling weird right now. I am afraid that as I go into actual work I might lose my personality,  my passion,  and a bunch of other stupid stuff.

Other than the magnificent view, this is what I woke up to today...

selepas tamat belajar di UiTM

It was my second visit to UiTM after I have graduated. Well not really, I don't think I've graduated until I awkwardly march on that stage (that's what happened the last time I was there, that's why till today I couldn't look at the DVD ) to pick up my degree transcript.

Kali ini my second visit to UiTM seemed friendlier, seemed less scarier  maybe  because I did do what I came there to do, talked to my fav lecturer , talked and spent sometimes with  my KEFAJAR mates, have a sharing session with my former classmate. Accept for the endless moving to attend classes, it felt as if I never left.

My visit to Dr Umi's office, was one that I treasured most. One that I still thank God till today (With that being said Alhamdulillah) She was recently added to my list of the people I want to be like (I know only nerds like their teachers, tapi peduli ape)  Dia biase-biase je. She doesn't makes jokes while she's teaching, she doesn't favour me. But I do like that she understands what it is like to feel weak. She does what ever she can to make us help each other ( This she does by pakse kita org buat study group, yg dia dah set up who the group members are going to be). She said sebab dia nak semua orang dapat A, bukan sorang-sorang jer I also like how she never once yelled at us, even soalan tu dah tanya like numerous of times. (I did this once, without realising that the same question has popped up before I asked )

I guess I like her because she helps people who are socially awkward like me to work with people who they are not used to working with. I also admire how she 's able to keep her emotions straight when she's teaching. Maybe because she used to be like me too, socially awkward and not the best of her class.

My conversation with her  has been an informative and a priceless one. Not of Proteomics and Eukaryotics Cell Biology, but of  what she has done after she has obtained her first degree, how she came to be a lecturer, why my mom is not letting me work for anything less than my degree and that I should  teach the orphanage to keep my English from getting rusty. One thing I forgot to ask her was  macammana dia keep from getting marah2 bila kita org tanya dia banyak soalan (She's a woman, so it does awe me how she does it).

I guess kite belajar lebih banyak, lepas tamat belajar di UiTM rather mase belajar di UiTM.

Super glad I am writing again

I am glad the last post I've written ended up as a draft. I know now what being angry for a little too long can do to me. I didn't talk to my mom  for a week. Everything I ate doesn't seem to say down. My chest is warmer than it was supposed to be. Because of my warm chest I have trouble sleeping. Yang paling teruk I stopped writing.. I stopped writing even weeks after I finished being angry with my mom.

Last week I went out with kawan-kawan lama yang dah lama kenal and kawan-kawan lama yang baru kenal in a team building program. It turns out this friend of mine is an actual writer. Not like me of course. An actual writer who've gotten paid for her work. A Malay  poetry writer. She taught me how to make it, but she also told me the obstacles she has to face. That she makes a lot more money selling her books of poetry in Indonesia than in Malaysia, because Malaysians don't read a lot. There's this one time when she makes RM10 000 to get her books published. Can you imagine that..  kalo org yg tulis buku bahasa Melayu pun tak boleh nak jual buku dekat Malaysia.. what to become of english writers like me?

But all that aside, I am super glad that I am writing again.

For days I felt lifeless, today masak a poached egg

Dan rasanya menjadi, and its not that hard I suppose. I've always wanted to poach an egg tapi selalu delaykan, because I think the taste wouldn't be as good as a fried egg (and it didn't sebab it lacks the cholesterol that I'm accustomed to) tapi steps must be taken, to reduce ketembaman sebab duduk kat rumah

see.. the yolk is all runny, jadilah tu kan?

Last week was really an eventful week for me, on the 21st-23rd Sept  I returned to Shah Alam (wah return macam rumah kat situ je kan) to 

1)attend Dr Azizan's Seminar dekat SACC

2) ambik transkrip degree ( DAH habis belajar kan)

3) jumpa Dr Umi (since she's my favourite lecturer kan)

4) Daftar alumni UiTM

5) Find out mcm mana n ak buat master's degree dekat fak edu

3 out of 5 things done. Bolehlah tu rasenya. And last Friday went to PWTC untuk menghadiri BN Youth Job Fair. And managed to snag my self my first job. Tapi not going to the training session I think (more on that later).

I felt out of place going to UiTM when I am no longer a student. Tapi nampak same je mcm org lain, although the lack of baju kurung on a Monday did make me stood out from everyone else(alah mase ko belajar x pakai baju kurung pun on Mondays)  I stayed and talk to a few of kefajar friends my former classmates who are still studying and of course talked to my best friend (who is now 1 semester my junior). And realized those are the things I miss most... interacting with my friends, interacting with my best friends having lunch with them, moving out and about in campus and having a decent conversation with them. That last part dah lama dah tak buat and that is I guess what I cherish most and hope to do again soon.  But that phase of my baru berlalu kan.. what to do? Belajar degree balik? hehe...

Tu sebab sekarang ni I guess I felt really lifeless and useless..

That thing I call an Ugam -The Story

So here it is, ( I think this is the only post that memenuhi tujuan blog ini ditubuhkan in the first place) thinking of posting it on fiction press too.

It was like having a stroke. Unable to move a muscle, even when every neuron in your brain is instructing your muscle to expand and to contract, that part of your body just won’t move.  No, it was worse than a stroke. Simply because it hurt. Unlike a stroke, it was painful, and it was the pain that paralyzes.  

Soon you discover that, as you try to nourish yourself, if you’re not careful, the food will fall off your lips. The same thing happened when you tried to take a sip of water. Adjustments have to be made, so you can sustain yourself, using the side that you are not used to using. 

While you make attempts to get yourself better, you realized the outside of your lips are changing too. It was as cracked and as dry as a desert that hasn’t rain for a year. You tried hydrating, drinking glasses of water but it was as if, the water just goes right through you. 

Eventually, you make the decision to make an amateur diagnosis of what was wrong with you. As you stood in front of the mirror, you probe, squeeze and then probe again before you finally see it, the white devil. That thing that had been causing you your many hours of sleep. There it was just staring at you that white flesh exposed with swollen red tissues surrounding it, probably because you couldn’t get to it in time just before the bacterial invasion. Now you know it was the dreaded ugam or as the rest of other Malaysians call it the mouth ulcer.

As the pain throbs when you poke into it, you make yet another important decision. There’s nothing more that you can do, accept, letting your innate immunity do their job for you.