to change..

From the beginning of this semester I've promised that I'll change. 

I've promised my mum and me. 

I don't feel any change in myself, because I haven't yet seen the results.

Yes, I've joined debate , but it isn't official till I contributed or win smething for the club. I want to join KEFAJAR UiTM (kelab fasilitator).

the interview is tomorrow, I hope I won't be as devastated as I was when I did my interview for the tutoring job. I want to change my angle. Tomorrow during the interview I'll talk about change in myself and those who I want to help.

BTW, the change I've promised my mum and  me, is the changed for the better, BETTER GRADES that is, but employers want more than just GOOD GRADES right? They want SOFT SKILLS.

So I NEED GREAT GRADES AND GREAT SOFT SKILLS. How I'm supposed to do that? To be able to get all As and be very active in clubs and such?

Yes I don't feel any change, but I would like to believe I have changed, becoz hari tu kita cakap dgn my best friend (dia habis diploma lewat sebab extend) dia tanya kita how are things and such so I talk to her about debate and and stuff  dia cakap macam ni " aktifnya awak, awak punya pelajaran ok?" 

So mcm nganga jugak la soalan dia tanya mcm tu. I forgot how "kurang positivenya dia"

You see bila dia tak dapat sambung belajar sama dengan kita,  I feel devastated sebab dia dah xde, since she has been my comfort zone   I think  mcm ni , who I will I talk too, who I will do thing with ect ect. and I don't do a lot of things during my diploma because all  I think about is her. because I worry about her like all the time. She having one boyfriend after another somehow contributes to do that.

  tapi I feel glad that kita tak sambung same dgn kita, because I've got to meet REALLY GREAT POSITIVE PEOPLE, people who if she's around I know wouldn't be talking too. People who tell me YOU CAN , IF YOU BELIEVE  and IF YOU WORK HARD FOR IT.

so have I changed? have my grades changed for the better, I don't know, simply because belum exam lagi.. But those around me have changed, and I hope I have too. Amin

Betullah SETIAP YANG TUHAN BUAT ADA SEBABNYA. Esok ade test dua btw.... hope I'm changed enough to know to study when I need to.

Doing lab

There's no pleasure like menyalah gunakan U punya internet, while waiting for the lab  to finish. I hate this, I seriously hate this. Lab periods that was supposed to be for two hours habis dalam masa 4-5 jam .I hate how lab work usually take over my life. How lab work ,menyebabkan I can't enjoy my life, I can't attend debating activities. I usually can't study because of the never ending lab reports dan dia punya result yang macam hampeh and kitaorg supposed to discuss why result dia macam hampeh, damn I feel so empty.

Other than that my eyes are sore right now cause of my contact lenses, and I can't take them off because I didn't bring my case because lab period yang sepatutnya habis tak habis-habis lagi. Man, the things I do for the people I love.... okay I think it is about time now. hopefully it is ready and I can go home now.

I figured when there are a lot of things happening

I figured when there are a lot of things happening there will always be something to write about.. This is so true yet so WRONG..... There are so many things happening, the debate club,  there was a dinner held  by my course in uitm,  we visited the old folks home, that one day when I say damn a little too much until my roomate got annoyed, I met a guy who wants to be a millionaired by the age of 28, the goverment Ironic decision to change IPTA'S kuliah timetable (I'm usually all for the goverment, tapi kali  ni sungguh tidak).  So sebab banyak kena buat kerja ni, updating kena postpone next time.

Even I don't know what lies ahead..

How wonderful are my roomates  this semester Chy and Teh, diorg sgt comel dan adorable.This is what they have told me to write. Perhaps this is because I am in a biul state right now, apparently I am too biul to study mandarin but have just the right amount of  biul  to let them tell me what to write in my blog. I guess I'll let them have this one. 

My future is mine. Cakap senang bikin susah tau. But sorry to say my future is not wholly mine , my future belongs to me, it is my mom's and my dad's. Since a lot of things I do now, sangat berkait with my mom  and dad since diorang yg carved my future.  

One of the reasons, for this post is a talk I have had with my mom. It's more an argument than a talk.

 I've entered UiTM's debate club. It is awesome. Never would have I tought I'll be proud of my english, and find myself in an English talking community in UiTM. They use like really2 big words, words that I think only  lawyers would understand, so kita rase ashamed and challenged at the same time. I've entered my first tournament , b coz ade group yg tak leh attend. 

And we didn't lose too badly, for Someone who've joined debate club for a week maybe two , I thought we did good.  So I've sacrified one of my weekends. So I didn't study.  like didn't study at all with 3 tests piling up all week along.

So told my mother about it. Dia said something like this " tulah ko ikut nafsu, ko dah janji kat diri kau, kau akan jaga diri kau mase degree ni  benda ni ko boleh buat mase kau tua tau"

you see one of the many things I've learn from debate club is

NOTHING IS UNDISPUTABLE

so although I feel like I want to cry bila dia ckp macam tu, I have kuat kan diri  and said these words to her "mana mami tau Rad ada peluang macam ni lagi bila dah tua" senyap gak lah dia for 3-5 seconds.

Because I  know it  as much as she knows what lies in my future, is that we both know nothing. How does she know that  I'll  have this exact chance and oppurtinity when I'm old. What if I'm destined to work in a lab and do the same things everyday and will never got to do this, the thing that I love so very much : my English and my presenting skills.

Kalo mase tgk bakteria bawah microscope tu boleh jadi MC untuk majlis konvo diorg ke ape  ke takpe lah gak . Ni cakap "hi tgh buat apa tu?"   pun tak leh, kalo buat macam tu mesti org dalam lab fikir biul ke kurang waras budak ni?

My point is,

kalo kita sendiri tuan punya badan  don't know what lies in my future, apa yg buat dia lebih tahu?  Disebabkan tu, shouldn't I grab the first oppurtinity and chance that I've got  to show to the world @public what are the magnificent things I'm capable of? (poyo nak mampus budak ni, magnificent tu)

Senang cakap kalo kita tak buat sekarang, bila lagi kita nak buat? Ada satu lagi sebab sebenarnya kenapa kita tulis pasal future ni, but till next time.

Felt lain MACAM-macam

They say if I did get job, they would give me a call. but they didn't. My roomate told me that her bestfriend's roommate got the job. So tahulah tak dapat. Dah lah mase tu tgh lipat baju.

chy : apasal ko lipat baju senget2?

aku :  biasalah org x biasa lipat baju.

chy: ko tau tak roomate tiq dah dapat kerja  tu.

aku : ha? ye ke ?

Then lipat baju balik. I tried to control macho.tapi dah namanya perempuan kan  I guess I just couldn't. Then call my mom," I didn't get the job" Mase ni suara aku dah lain macam dah, mami kita cakap ape" ala takpelah ko pun kata nak jaga diri ko sem ni kan. " Then letak telefon. 

Then I couldn't bare it anymore, I grabbed my keys and then went into one of the showers and lock the door. lepas tu nangis mcm jembalang hilang anak, dah agak 30-50 saat macam tu, heard Chy masuk bilik air.

Lepas tu keluar bilik air dgn muka yg sangat sembab dan bengkak. She saw me, lepas tu dia dtg kat kita pujuk kita,  " Nangis, nangis puas2, takpe tak dapat jadi tutor boleh jadi lecturer ye?" Lepas tu dia mandi and then I went back to my room, Lepas tu dgn tak sangkanya , ada coklat atas meja kita . 

Satu bar Chocolate yg mamat yg suka dia ni bagi kat dia, dgn note ini.

Terharunya!!!!! Tak pernah ada org pujuk kita mcm tu,siap bagi coklat lagi, coklat cadbury yg besar dan sedap lak tu.  

Hari tu felt like the worst day of my life dan rase mcm boleh nangis sebulan , rase mcm I have a boyfriend who I love so very2 much, and then he died, mcm tu kut rasenya bf mati .( I had a bf tapi xpernah syg dia, guess that's why I dump him) sedih yg teramat sgt, tapi ade roomate yg sgt awesome... jadi legalah sikit,

Tapi  tak sampai seminggu kita dah tak rasa sedih sgt  cuma terkilan, I guess I really wanted it , tapi they went for students with an english background, so what can I do?

Chy did say, mane tau tak dapat jadi cikgu tiba Rad jadi famous lak kat UiTM ni jadi pendebat yg hebat.  (I've joined a UiTM debate club anyways) and debated last week with actual opponents sebab ade kumpulan tak dapat hadir kita org gantilah. And it felt awesome, like I lived, like really really lived....

Betullah apa diorg kata satu pintu tutup, yg lain mesti bukaknya..... Have many more things to tell tapi till next time...

Did an interview and I hope being me is enough

I did an interview for tutoring job held at my hostel. They keep asking me different questions, yet my answers remain the same, I have passion for ENGLISH and I like to present stuff. Tak cukup ke? I gotta say almost every question is about me. Only two questions that are related to tutoring. One of them is how will you attract your students to listen to you?

In many of the questions I let my personality do the talking. I don't know if that's enough, but I hope it is. Bila kita told my mom about the interview, dia kata "Ko pergi jugak? Ko bukannya minat nak jadi cikgu pun"Obviously lah kita pergi kan, bodohla kalau kita x pergikan, sebab English is my first passion, the only reason I didn't do THESOL because I do not want to be exactly like her. Yes I do not want to be a teacher but I'm madly in love with the subject.I know a lot of Others hate it,but I love it. I mean if I were to have a boyfriend then English is my balak.

Let just say I didn't hope to get the job, till I finished the interview. Which sucks, now everything I do semenjak daripada pagi tadi, is how could have I done the interview better, what are the better answers to the questions they have asked. I think I should have known who the Ex co of Academic is, but I didn't, I even pointed at the wrong person.(gila malu)

I feel extremely weird now, I mean I came to the interview hoping for nothing but coming out of  it really really wanting it. This semester, I have new roommates,A roomate of mine  Chy. She's really really cool, and hot too. after I finished the interview she wanted to do the interview too but didn't. Dia kata lepas kita done the interview  ade budak communication interview. So tak taulah if I get the job or not. Since those people are better than a bionerd like me. Dia kata kalau kita tak dapat pun mesti ada hikmahnya, mungkin nanti kita xleh cope with my studies ke ape ke, but I do hope I get the job. So pergi dulu ok...

I know that bila aku angkat tangan sekurang-kurangnya for them

I've read somewhere before "those who ask, adalah mereka yg tak tahu pada masa itu, tapi mereka yang tidak tanya akan bodoh selama-lamanya" that sounds lebih kurang  right...

It was a long time ago and it's an English proverb.  Just came to  mind..

Since I've had this realization, of wanting to study hard and smart and obtain awesome grades (Amin...) , I've been studying before the class starts, and because of that I want to and I was able to answer the questions that the lecturers ask, because kita nak be able to remember the lessons better and so that I don't have to study so hard coz I've done half of the studying in the classroom. 

Yesterday, kita rase in the same classroom I raised my hand three times, by the third time  Puan dah tak nak choose me untuk answer the questions. So rasenya I'm facing a problem I fear the most and perhaps the mean reason why I sucked when I was doing my diploma : PEER PRESSURE.

Because of my sudden productivity and bravery in asking and answering questions to lecturers, ada balak ni, perhaps bergurau je and mungkin kita  yg lebih terasa , but it really got to me.

Situasinya macam ni, lab tadi, So Mr K ni datang lambat, there's this guy perhaps older than me tapi sama kelas, he said I should call Mr K sebab 

" Rad kan berani . semua soalan ko nak jawab , semua soalan ko nak angkat tangan"

The question made me felt like, I want to go back to my sucky self. Rase mcm aku tak nak berusaha dah , rase mcm tak nak ask question dah, because if I do what I do and  I don't improve myself, rase mcm sia-sia, wouldn't they say," budak ni cakap je banyak tapi average je pun.  "

But I do feel like I'm making progress , but what he said made me feel like I want to end it there and then and be like the rest of them , tapi their results suck kut, and I don't want to have a sucky result lagi dah.

Kita rase macam , nak cakap kat dia 

"I'm asking and answering tons of questions ,sebab korang yg tak nak jawab mase dalam kelas, Kita nak improve kan kita punya result, if you guys don't then that's your problem"

I want to get DEKAN for myself tapi bila dah ade org cakap mcm ni rase mcm he's telling me to be like the rest of them : silent all the time and obtain result yang sama macam diorg. 

Tapi  bila dah macam ni, the only thing that is in my head when ever I raise my hand , is that at least I'm doing it for them...

things I think bila dah menghadap buku dalam tempoh masa yg lama.

I bought this box of clay yesterday dekat kedai kat kolej satu ni. I wanted to make a lady bug, but it looked terrible. Since xde black clay, it didn't look much like a lady bug, so I decided to take the spots off.  I did this after trying to remember the  three  steps of Gene expression. What are they again : REPLICATION, TRANSCRIPTION, .....TRANSLATION. (hope benda ni ade dlm kepala otak esok sebelum dia tanya)

You see, I hated subjects about DNA mase diploma, but now I'm takin' a whole course that is all about DNA. So  rather than hating it, I decided betape susahnya pun I want to U-N-D-E-R-S-T-A-N-D and L-O-V-E it. So much so, if  I could make love to it, I would.

YAWN . I am so sleepy right now. I've been studying a lot this days, I guess I'm using my bad CGPA to menebus kemalasan mase diploma. I'm even preparing for the the next lectures to come. (I never do that while doing diploma) I guess because both of my close friend dah obtained dekan, but I haven't . So I'm using this dekan thing as a trigger for me to study harder. Sebab diorang my best friends kut,....kalo diorg boleh dapat dekan kenapa AKU TAK BOLEH ???!!!

(yawn again) I think I'll turn in early tonight.Semalam went to bed at two got up at 6.30 . rase macam nak tercabut kepala otak ni,.menyesal gila x tido awal.

I swear I'll do it!!!

I've started a brand new chapter of my life, well not really new, I'm starting my degree, dah seminggu dah. But I do feel a sudden optimism that I'll do better than I did while taking my diploma. I mean I hope so... I mean.... Aminnnn.

Terus masuk part 3. Which is a good thing, I've even started doing some revisions. I never did my revisions before lectures start when I was taking my diploma. Janganlah benda ni hangat-hangat je.... Maybe because I have come to a realization that if I don't do well now I'll end up working in a kedai kain measuring and cutting kain ( my worst nightmare) . That, and my mother wants me to do master after I finish this, tapi rasenya   tapi rase mcm x nak je. Kalau boleh sambung BI best gak...

I am happy 'coz : 

• I'm starting over
• There's no practical training. At first I don't think of this as a good thing tapi dgr kata senior kena pergi praktikal trainining mase belajar.
• I don't have to repeat anything.  There are these chemistry subjects must be of certain grade when I was taking my diploma. Apparently I passed that grade. Yeay me (clap,clap)a
• Taking mandarin. Tapi tak best belajar mandarin rumi. Apparently, it does TAKE 2 parts of your brain to learn mandarin. I should have taken japanese, tapi mami kesayangan ku suruh ambik mandarin , xpe atleast kita mendekatkan diri to my roots.

The only thing  I'm not happy about is

• My damn external broke : Why God? Whyyyyy???!!! My Glee, Vandread and Strawberry Panic , and my Glee.Whyyyyy?!!!

  I took it to PAS and the dude said the hard disk is broken ,tadi control je dari nak nangis. I am now in the process of downloading vandread and strawberry panic all over again, dahla nanti glee season3 main dah, nak download tu lagi. Nasib baik Sailor moon dah simpan dalam dvd. GLEE rasanya I can ask from my friends,. Tak kuasa rasanya nak download 40+ episodes.

• My mom will kill me if she finds out, I thought of getting the same model and the same colour, but that seems too hard, so I'll have to make do with an 8gb pendrive.( Nak beli baru ke tak? tapi nanti dia perasaan. ?

Maybe God wants me to study tu sebab dia rosakkan external hd kesayangan ku...

So I just spend the last 6 hours cleaning up my meja study/makan/ mekap dan buat buku nota. I guess, ada baiknya jugak mami suruh bawak mug tu. In a way, it reminds me to study all the time...

So the end product...

ok tak? Keep in mind ni baru lepas kemas. kalau dah sehari 2 rupanya x mcm ni kut.

timbunan balang kuih raya yang mami suruh bawak kat sudut meja

kumpulan lipstick yg selalunya tak pakai pun, betul mami kita cakap, I just like to collect junk.

dan of course alat tulis yg baru dibeli dgn sakan sebab duit poket yg masih banyak

I can't help myself to decorate my desk with red-ish or pink-ish batik decorations. I thought I've outgrown them,(damn!bila nak jadi cool ni?). Dahla kita the type yg banyak stuff, pergi kls pun banyak stuff, payungla, airla,pencil casela. bukan main gemuk beg bawak gi kls tu. I guess that's all, I hope I'll do excellent in my degree..

merdeka dan Eid

Tears almost roll down my cheeks watching this vid. Especially this syawal... There's no country I love more than my own. Thanks matluthfi for compiling this videos.

Drove nenek to the hospital

Today is Thursday - a week after lulus JPJ driving test

Monday 22.8 - Dapat lesen memandu

Tuesday 23.8 -  Legally drove on the streets of my town to my nenek's house

Wednesday 24.8 - Bangun pagi dalam pukul 9 macam tu, my dad dengan sempoinya berkate :" Jom drive nenek pergi ambik ubat kat Hospital Alor Gajah"

So I drove my nenek to the Hospital. When we got to the hospital :

me : Nek, tak takut nek? org drive laju, org pun takut nek.

my nenek : Taklah, ko drive macam org dah biasa drive, tak mcm org baru belajar, sangkut- sangkut.Relax nenek...

Inilah mase terkembang muka. Bangga-bangga :)

This was suppose to be a routine check up since her bp meds run out. Sekali kena tido sejam dua, sebab bp dia naik.

So, same ade her bp rose because her bp meds was finished or she lied about being calmed and collected while I drove.

When we got home :

 

Dad : Lemah jantung nenek, ko bawak kereta.

When we told my mom :

 Mom : Kenapa Rad pulak yang drive, baru dapat lesen dah bawak penumpang.

Of course Dad backed me up he said I should drive, since I've already got my license.

I did drove fast, because 

1. I didn't want to be the slowest car on the road

2. I didn't want to be the slowest car on the road dan menyusahkan semua orang

3. Jalan best menurun je, mestilah laju. 

Tapi even if my nenek did lie to me ( I mean who are we kidding here, even if I was in the back seat, without rear seat belts and I was the one who's  driving I would be scared to death) I have to thank her for doing so. Sebab my mom was dead honest to me, when I drove her a few months ago : 

" Sakit jantung mami, tunggu dah setahun ko drive ,baru ko boleh hantar mami gi sekolah"

See, dia sgt tak supportive...

My dad lain pulak cite : dia kata aku drive ok je, tak de salah yang besar-besar pun.

So... Selamat Hari Raya.... tu jelah gamaknye

JPJ test was yesterday

I passed.  which was great. My mom said I should write it down in my diary.   And I guess I was happy about it. Perhaps because I was smiling tapi  didn't realize that I was. Semua orang boleh teka I passed without the need for me to tell them I passed. 

I think I mentioned the word passed too many times

So I met this girl. She said she recognized me, because we went to this tuition center together when we were like 12. She didn't pass by the way. The JPJ test that is.  She said she remembers me because I was good at English then. That's not the point.

She too studied at UiTM and graduating  this October. Now, this is the part where I'm not so happy. From my previous post, I've already mentioned I don't want do my convocation. Now I don't want to do it even more.

She said when we are going to take our scrolls there will be this huge LCD  screen, showing the student names and stars. These stars are supposed to show our grades. For example 5 stars if you are 4 pointer student. So since I did not obtain more than 3.00, I guess I will not obtain any stars. :(

Dia kata mcm ni, "Alah orang tak sempat pun tengok, semua busy mase tu".  I guess what I'm trying to say here I am so very ashamed of myself that I did not do well. That I did not obtain stars. I've been an OK student mase kat sekolah UPSR, PMR, I did not obtain straight A's but I was still proud of myself. And I wish I could just skip the graduation day. Tapi my mom and  dad really really  nak be there. So I guess I'm doing this for them.

For now I just want to do my degree and passed with flying colours bukan mcm mase kat diploma passed borderline...

So yeah, I can now drive legally on the streets. By drive legally, I mean drive macam babeng.

Yesterday

Wanted to visit my cousin's baby, well... that was the plan. We ended up visiting the parents instead. We weren't allowed to visit the little guy. Apparently he was.. well how do I put this into words... brain dead. That was what she said, my cousin's wife that is. 

I thought it was going to be another cliched new born baby visit. You know where you first look at the baby, and then admiring how red he looks, and then we will be able to hold  him, and then sigh every time he yawns . But then it didn't turn out like I've imagined. Especially not bulan puasa ni.When miracles are supposed to happen.

Never have I visit a new born baby, that was going to die soon. Rase sgt pelik. Macammana nak ckp ye, rase sgt pelik sebab you've been waiting for the baby to come tapi bila dah datang, it has to die. I believe they spent like less than 12 hours with the little guy, till the doctor  noticed something was wrong with the baby. My cousin said when he had him in his arms, he noticed that the baby was having a hard time breathing. Tapi sempat lagi my cousin bang kat telinga baby dia.

I feel sorry for my cousin and his wife. his wife dah dua minggu kat hospital tunggu mase nak beranak je. I never really cared about them until yesterday. Maybe because, the first time I met my cousin was last year, when he got married. Bayangkan , I never even knew the guy existed then. Tapi rasenya dia cool ngan kita Because unlike my other cousins (from my dad side ) he always tegur kita, even when his baby is dying dia still tanya keadaan kita, tegur kita , pesan belajar elok-elok. Unlike my other cousins yang act as if I'm invisible when I walked into a room. 

Yesterday, sebelum kita masuk tidur, kita tanya my mom , baby tu kena bagi name ke? My mom said , kena sebab nak daftar kematian. I couldn't imagine kalau kita yang kena macam  tu... it must be hard for them

Cakitnya....

It is my week off fasting. Aside from boleh makan di siang hari dan boleh makan tengahari dengan my mom, tak berapa suka bila  merasa excruciating pain caused by my uterus when it contracts and relaxes.  I kind of wished for this. Bukan sebab penat puasa tapi I have jpj test (again) this week.

I passed the road test and the circuit accept for one : the damned tiga penjuru. So I have to  do the whole circuit all over again. Now I can't eat or sleep without picturing myself driving in the circuit and doing it right this time. Hari tu sikit lagi nak lepas. sikit lagi, tapi sebab rushing....owwh God menyesalnya. dah lah I was the first one to do the test. No 1, bayangkan pressure nya, dahlah kena marah pak cik jpj tu sebab naik BUKIT tanpa arahan.  bencinya,,,

So I've been praying to god let my period come early this month,or later after the jpj test. let me be calm and collected while doing the HILL, the PARKING and 3-Penjuru and let me pass with flying colours , the first part obviously Allah dah makbulkan. Yang second tu je...

kawan-kawan lain yg ambik lesen same-same when I was 18 dah ade lesen . Kita je. Because of this I can't concentrate and do other things I want to do, blogging , finish the green tech essay, siapkan segala borang dan barang untuk masuk u. My mind sgt cluttered sekarang . God .....

So I know the cramps will be over by tomorrow, thursday nanti will be another driving practice, jumaat test jpj. Lepas tu MERDEKAAAAAA . Wahahaha . To those who read my blog , tolong doa pass test jpj okey?

Can't wait till the day I can drive (I can drive, takde lesen je) , get bored with driving, get a job, get bored with my job, lepas tu get bored with my life and then die ( sorry, sedikit dark sebab my cramps is really irritating)

when genes speak

There are times when I'm a procrastinator. Kita baru sedar it's a genetic trait. That or my procrastinating accidentally rubs off on my mother. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my mom. 

It's nothing big really. Semenjak kita sentiasa kat rumah, (other than obviously jage rumah)  I am always the one to do the typing for her. She has this thing which she has to do for school. Her essay questions : she's suppose to come up with two of them each month. Mind you, these are not just essay questions : these are form 6 punya pengajian am questions siap dengan dia punya  jawapan lagi. 

So, I guess what I am trying to say she stalls (macam kitalah jugak with my lab reports, bila dah banyak baru terhegeh bukak internet nak siapkan)  

m : ko tolong siapkan maminya soalan ade 4

me : apahal tak suruh awal2?. Apahal 4 banyak benar.

m : Hari tu ko sibuk ngan essay tu. 

So in conclusion, I took 3 hours to finish her work for her ( baru 3 dia punya kerja tu)  dari pukul 3 lebih sampai  pukul 6. Tapi xpe, takde lah asyik fikir bila nak bukak puasa. Laptop yg digunakan kita untuk suka ria dan tengok benda kurang berfaedah, pun dia yang belikan, so ape salahnya buat pahala ngan mak tersayang sendiri kan bulan puasa ni..

 Other than that, I have decided to enter another essay competition.

Baca punya baca dia punya syarat, it is to be written in BM (not my strong point)  karangan bertajuk    Check Global Warming and Upgrade Energy Efficiency through Green Technology (lagilah bukan my strong point) sebanyak 1500-2000 words. Dateline somewhere in Sept. Target sebelum raya siap.

So I have decided to write about something so serious that it is out of my league. 

Since the only thing I'm  good at is writing about myself and things that 're happening to me( kita tau kita sgt narcissistic) . I usually don't write that long too.  Tapi ni jelah yang ade, buat mase ni yg can be used to sharpen my gray matter. Sebab benda ni susah, rasenya boleh jadi cabaran, so I can be a better writer. So I mentioned about it to my mom ,sebab ego sgt I didn't even ask for her help.

Tapi I just mentioned it  sebab the last time I wrote in BM and she helped and sent it in a competition  dapat hadiah saguhati peringkat negeri . Ade good luck charm kut mami kita ni.

So when she asks dah cari ke kat internet bahan- bahan yg sepatutnya  ? I thought about how my mom and me are so much alike.

dah hampir seminggu dah

It has been almost a week dah puasa tapi, I haven't once stepped foot into bazaar ramadhan.  Why?!!!! you may ask?  There are exactly two excuses reasons my mom has come up with

Reason number one. We are replacing a  perhaps a 20 year old refrigerator (or esbok as we affectionately call it). Although, it has like important sentimental value my mom thinks we should replace it since we found out baby roaches would still be alive even after an overnight stay in the fridge.

And quoting my mother , no left overs should enter the refrigerator  or the second (newer one) fridge during the month of ramadhan. So no buying food out of lust and hunger during fasting. So everything that is prepared for break fast must be finished and if necessary must be eaten whole (xlah :)) . (Perkara yang selalu kita buat kalau dekat Shah Alam buying food for break fast and konon-kononnya buying food for sahur, itu sebab duit belanja cepat habis during fasting month than any other month) 

Reason number two. My mum is now sangat rajin cooking. You see, on regular days, my dad is the one to do the cooking.( I am the one who suppose to cut all the gingers, onions, garlic. Kalo dia tengok, kita x busy only then will he ask me to cook). 

His best dish this year (sebab tahun ni baru buat) is itik masak serai (serious, sedap). Kalo dia malas nak masak or tak sempat masak sebab gi kerja only then would he buy lauk(s).  Dan lauk untuk tengahari is also usually  lauk untuk dinner. So, again quoting my mother,"Selagi mami rajin masak, tak payah beli kat luar" 

So bulan ni makan semua sedap-sedap, bukak puasa tak makan nasi sangat, bihun goreng la, mee goreng la ,makaroni sup la. Sahur je makan nasi, which also my dad prepares. 

Baguslah kan jimat duit. Tapi I'm missing bazaar ramadhan common food stuff, macam dadih kaler-kaler tu, ayam percik, strange food that I never knew existed, tapi willing to try (biarpun tahu kemungkinan nanti sakit perut, is high) .

I am too missing maggie curry( ni free advertising ni name nya) which we usually have for breakfast.So I guess this is the only not good thing about, spending Ramadhan with my parents (dah 3 tahun ramadhan sendiri-sendiri) is that I can't spend money secara melulu on food, like I always do while on campus.

So ini jelah kut, sampai post yang akan datang..

Today ....

Today, my dad handed me this letter, its a convocation notice. Apparently there will be one this October. 

So kita fikir2, kenapa dia buat October, mase tu budak ade kelas, tak ke menganggu.  Tapi aside from this  I know how I really feel about convocation. 

I can't say I'm really proud of myself because I am no 4-flat student. I am exactly the opposite,I am among those who score less than 3.00. In fact, the only thing I was sure to get an A on is my English paper. Jadi I guess, I am just relief, that I got till the end. Lepas tu ade cousins kita tak lepas mase ambik degree UiTM dulu.(tu fobia sekarang ni nak ambik law). 

Tu lah sebab kita tak suka UiTM buat konvo mase budak ade kelas, kita punya azam mase degree adelah untuk buat betul-betul. Kita tak nak mcm mase diploma dulu lots of distraction, kawan tak study, kita pun tak study (sedangkan I know she concentrates better than me in lectures). 

Selalu tido dalam kelas ( dalam kelas English pun tido jugak tapi dpt gak A) dan sem depan ni my best friend takde,  xde org cubit atau tampar peha kita mase lecture ( ni dia pernah buat  mase lecture Entrepeneurship, I almost scream" OII BABI KAU POMPUAN" tapi takdelah dalam hati je. naya kalo jerit dlm lecture hall) 

Jadi for Tomorrow and many more days to come, kita nak mintak tuhan ni : I hope I have a best friend who studies with me and constantly yells out "Oii study esok ade test" and calls me at mornings wanting me to study. In short, I want a friend who cares, my best friend sekarang bukan tak care, care, cuma dia lebih produktif kalo study sorang-sorang. 

Nak harapkan balak, kita dah dumped dah. Plus dia business major kut, minat ke dia nak teman kita study subject DNA. So, nampak sgt kita bukan boleh study sendiri because well, from you can conclude I lack discipline.And that's what I want. 

Kita mintak dari tuhan kita nak discipline so TOMORROW kita boleh jadi a FLYING WRITER ( best kan impian kita nak jadi pilot dan penulis lagi lak tu)

Okey ah night, night.

(As you probably can tell, I am trying out different fonts)

I have it all planned out

I have it all planned out for next semester. I am going to carry out my new year's resolution : being cool to everybody, including the ones that I cannot stand.

But my mom  has a plan of her own :  it started when we were in Bandung she started to buy me these skirts (these are wavy extremely long skirts, and I rarely wear a skirt)  to wear them to class she said, I wear skirts but not on regular days. Then I started to think, what's wrong with the shirts and jeans I have on. Of course, I didn't say it out loud.

Lepas tu the previous week  we went on this shopping trip Midvalley : Kamdar she said I should  pick out blouses and skirts. Inside I am screaming " macammana nak jadi cool kalo aku pakai apa yang  dia nak aku pakai. ?!" I got it. I know for a 21 year old, I shouldn't look like a 16 year old. 

Because I have this immature anak dara look on me. (My small boobs are worsening this situation, God knows that if I could, I want the fat in my ass to move up to my boobs, but I can't so..)  And I got to say I like that I look different than my colleagues. I like that people say I should still be in high school. And if I wear a skirt I am going to look like most of them, like the rest of my friends, who supposedly to be mature, but all they can talk about is how cute is Korean this and that, owh my boyfriend does this, my boyfriend does that.

So, I guess all I want is to look like a cool guy (with shirts, jeans and sneakers (I have never worn one) ), I even thought of wearing my hair short, but terfikir pulak of my mom's reaction if I do, so I decide not to (I love my hair, walaupun kalau kita lepaskan nampak mcm kena puting beliung). I guess I want to look like a guy, because I think guys are cool, women are .... well they like to hold on,I should know I'm a girl myself.

  Jadi nak cite panjang lagi, tapi takut my mom wakes up, rase sambung esok la, Insyaallah...

texting sebelum buka puasa

mase ganti puasa rasenya x  rase lama pun, knapa pulak sekarang rase lama  mungkin sebab ade 28 hari lagi. Dah lah test jpj bulan ni .

1) Tadi mesej semua org sebelum bukak puasa ( by everybody meaning certain people)  

• I text-ed those during my practical training. 
• my best friend
• balak cool yg kita anggap mcm abang ni ,
• my ex  who I have met only one time, (so I don't really think of him as a serious boyfriend, but he seems to think I'm a serious girlfriend)
• another balak who also I've just met one time.

So obviously my best friend texted me back (kalo dia tak balas,siap)

and the only guy (my ex obviously) I don't want to text me back, text me back.  ( not that I don't want him to text me back tapi ayat dia mcm ni Rad ?!I mis you )  so of course I didn't balas his text. because I want him to move on, obviously he hasn't.

this cool bro let's call him L. He text-ed me back. Sadly, dia tak akan continue study next September. Ade dua org yg  sahaja yang kita harap akan  sambung degree dgn kita. Dia and my best friend, tapi dua -dua pun tak sambung sem depan. I told him about this so Siap dia lecture lagi, that I should be positive, biarpun diorg takde dan suruh kita bergaul dgn org lebih lagi. bayangkan dia the only dude yg sanggup terima kita masuk dlm kumpulan dia biarpun kita tersangat lah incompetent in my lab work. So I kind of care about him the most. Tapi dia ade awek, so x bleh care lebih-lebih.

diorg yg praktikal ngan kita ade dua org je yg balas. org yg dulu kita melenting sgt and there's this friend of mine. Balak yg hensem ( dan putih melepak dan sgt gebu x balas pun ) sdgkan kita nak dia yg mesej kita tersgt. and there's this girl who I like because she's nice, pun tak mesej.

So, kita tulis benda ni bukan nak cerita pasal kita sms dgn siapa sebelum buka puasa. Tapi to bring into renungan dalam bulan puasa ni kita hantar sms kat mcm-mcm org : org yang kita sayang, org yang kita melenting dan sworn tak akan cakap ngan dia lagi, orag yang kita barely know, orang yang kita has a crush on tapi dare not to say, and  my ex of course.

Dan kita tak sangka kita akan sms diorg lagi. So kesimpulannya sesungguhnya bulan ramadhan ni rasenya adelah bulan yang baik sebab, kita tak sangka kita sanggup beranikan diri berhubung dengan diorang biarpun sekadar nak ucap selamat berbuka puasa.  Jadi I guess ramadhan brings me closer to those around me .So happy ramadhan... (sebak pulak rasenya)

plastic eyes and essays

apa nak ditaip ni.

1) essays are done

after selesai tulis essay #1 sempat disiapkan essay #2 , shorter about 700-800 words, tapi rasenya better , tapi disebabkan kelam kabut  nak naik bas pun sempat lagi taip.

rasenya sebab ia ditulis with such haste tak sgt berkualiti, tapi tak boring yang mcm first one. 

I know no one gets this excited over an essay competition, tapi as I've mentioned many times, english is my favorite subject and the only thing I'm good at.( lame, huh)

Aside from vigorous exercise, it seems to be the only thing to get my adrenaline pumping (I know I am such a nerd, but again , nerd ape yang boleh fail 4 paper mase dia diploma?)

sekarang tgh cari pertandingan lagi tapi pencariannya terasa sia sia : dia punya syarat2 mcm2 : untuk org sarawak sahaja, untuk pelajar sekolah rendah dan menengah sahaja, untuk pelajar uitm kelantan sahaja, (dah dekat dah tu)  untuk warga perak sahaje, bahasa melayu sahaja, jawi sahaja . I think  negara kita ni perlu kan lebih writing competition supaya dapat melahirkan rakyat yang lebih pandai dan banyak berfikir.( macamlah I am those things)



2) finally managed to put contact lenses into my eye balls (by myself that is)

I believe, ini adalah sebuah kejayaan yang tidak ternilai harganya, dan akan ditulis dalam diari ku yg sebenar. I managed to do this yesterday after perhaps a thirty minute of  trial and error. (kita rase sgt poyo tapi why shouldn't I be proud with myself right?)

Mula-mula dgn mami kita by myside, lepas tu dia letih dan fed up ( tahulah dia dah pro kan), dia pun belah.

After nudging my eyeballs repetitively , finally dengan tidak percayanya melekat jugak kat anak mata kita .  

Wahahaha  (as you can see, I am truly ecstatic by this), BERJAYA jugak.  after  hari ini pun lebih kurang jugak ceritanya, tapi tanpa mami bising-bising my side.

So that's about it.

Final words, Selamat RAMADHAN and happy fasting.

akhirnya...

ade 2 perkara akhirnya yang perlu ditegaskan setegas-tegasnya di sini.

Perkara pertama: 

 AKHIRNYA KAWAN KITA NI CALL JUGAK

rupanya kena jual mahal sikit : Jual mahal maksudnya 2 minggu lebih tak call dan mesej dia.
Dia punya reason munasabah la gak. dia kata dia takde kredit nak call kita balik which explained why she called me using her mom's office phone.  When I told her "kita merajuk tahu tak" she said she knew( sebab dia mesej x jawab dan berminggu-minggu x call dia)

Lepas tu she said jangan merajuk lama-lama. I wanted to yell at her how evil she is and how she made me feel like my best friend   dumped me.  I did actually yell out "ko jahat." tapi it ended with a laughter. Sebab  I could hear at the end that  was she laughing  too. perhaps she found my childish sulking was hillarious. I think she would laugh even more, if I told her I burst into tears that day she won't go out with me.

Perhaps kita patut bagi tahu dia ,that I started a brand new blog, the day I got mad at her. and the initial reason  (not the main reasons) that I wrote a new blog ( and terminate the old one) was to tell the whole world about how much I got mad at her without she finding out about it . I don't think I should though


# reason number 2
 FINALLY FINISHED THE ESSAY
The reason why I could write a blog right now, is because I finished and sent in the essay, I wrote about  in my last post. Reliefnya. Rasenya sempat lagi buat essay #2. Tapi tunggu bahu dengan mata ni habis sakitnya dulu, malam ni spent habiskan baca blog org-org yg interesting. Sekarang nak tulis yg lebih pendek pulak sebab hari tu tak baca syarat nya  betol2 dia kata : not to exceed 1500 words  BUKANNYA no less than 1500 words. tapi x pe dah siap dah pun. so malam ni boleh lepak. dan buat benda-benda x berfaedah.


obviously the word AKHIRNYA sangat bermakna to me today... 

inspiration atau lack of it

Ada pertandingan menulis  ni  held by the SUN titled 'Malaysia and Me' date line on 29.7

Mcm senang tahap gila kan?! Tapi I know  a 16 year old me can write better than I can now . I bet you if this pertandingan was held five years ago I stand a better chance of winning than I do now. Now I sucked .
I literally feel dumb.
I feel like someone should be blamed for this. Should I blame myself? or should I blame my university's poor syllabus selection. Seriously, SPM punya English  paper lagi challenging dari ni. And I liked it better.

 I tried but nothing seems to come to mind . Apa taknya lepas 3 perkataan backspace 2 perkataan.

I can't not hit the DELETE button after I typed down 5 words

And then I deleted a paragraph that took me 30 minutes to type only to have a staring contest with a blank computer screen after wards.

So macammna ni? I thought about writing from my experience mase praktikal training kat Melaka but fear it will be too boring? Even with the right choice of words? 

And a contestant  can send at most 3 stories of her choice. I feel like I want to write all 3 tapi 1 pun tak siap lagi, so what should I do?

I wanted to enter a story writing competition before yg  a&w punya.  dah siap dah pun . tapi tak hantar je sebab untuk hantar perlukan receipt rm 20.00 .( banyak cekadak punya  a&w) jadi terbiar mcm tu je...

Adoi biol biol....


Rasenya mcm nak call my best friend to ask her go out with me this friday, tapi she turned me down twice, which makes me feel macam nak bunuh dia .but I missed her a lot and there are so many things I need to tell her. So biol X4

Rasanya mcm my best friend is dumping me...

For a little while I feel like I want to hurt her, 

rasa mcm nak marah ,

nak list all the things that is wrong with her

  all the while being friends with her for three whole years . Tapi nanti dia list all the things that is wrong with me pulak. Jadi macammna ni????

     She's nice and I am nice. That's just it. I can't yell  at her for the wrong things she's doing without making me look like the BIG BAD WOLF who is trying eat her whole because she doesn't seem to know what is she doing wrong. 

God ,I am so mad ,so furious  and I think I am mad at her BECAUSE DIA ADA KEHIDUPAN  and I am living my life in front of the tv, cooking , belajar mengaji and learning to drive. 

Derma darah semalam

It wasn't my first. It was my third. Tapi rasanya macam it was the first time for the male nurse.
Dari segan-segan nak pegang  cari vein sampai terbukak glove.
Dari pegang tangan kanan sampai pegang tangan kiri.
Rasenya ada sekurang- sekurangnya 6 alcohol swab dia taruk dekat tangan .  lepas alcohol swab dekat tangan dia pergi tempat lain.

Swab alcohol sikit pergi kat org lain
Swab alcohol sikit panggil nurse apahal tak nampak vein.
Swab alcohol sikit tukar tangan lagi la pulak.

Seriously I don't mind , tapi I am telling all of you this because it was a delightful experience. Tengok org Cucuk ubat kat tangan, darah keluar ikut tiub tu, it was all a delightful experience.

Ayah yang mind kut , sebab lepas dia selesai, kita baru nak cucuk. Aside, from my arm feels like nak jatuh satu hari tu, everything was alright, and donate blood because IT SAVES LIVES.