Did an interview and I hope being me is enough

I did an interview for tutoring job held at my hostel. They keep asking me different questions, yet my answers remain the same, I have passion for ENGLISH and I like to present stuff. Tak cukup ke? I gotta say almost every question is about me. Only two questions that are related to tutoring. One of them is how will you attract your students to listen to you?

In many of the questions I let my personality do the talking. I don't know if that's enough, but I hope it is. Bila kita told my mom about the interview, dia kata "Ko pergi jugak? Ko bukannya minat nak jadi cikgu pun"Obviously lah kita pergi kan, bodohla kalau kita x pergikan, sebab English is my first passion, the only reason I didn't do THESOL because I do not want to be exactly like her. Yes I do not want to be a teacher but I'm madly in love with the subject.I know a lot of Others hate it,but I love it. I mean if I were to have a boyfriend then English is my balak.

Let just say I didn't hope to get the job, till I finished the interview. Which sucks, now everything I do semenjak daripada pagi tadi, is how could have I done the interview better, what are the better answers to the questions they have asked. I think I should have known who the Ex co of Academic is, but I didn't, I even pointed at the wrong person.(gila malu)

I feel extremely weird now, I mean I came to the interview hoping for nothing but coming out of  it really really wanting it. This semester, I have new roommates,A roomate of mine  Chy. She's really really cool, and hot too. after I finished the interview she wanted to do the interview too but didn't. Dia kata lepas kita done the interview  ade budak communication interview. So tak taulah if I get the job or not. Since those people are better than a bionerd like me. Dia kata kalau kita tak dapat pun mesti ada hikmahnya, mungkin nanti kita xleh cope with my studies ke ape ke, but I do hope I get the job. So pergi dulu ok...

I know that bila aku angkat tangan sekurang-kurangnya for them

I've read somewhere before "those who ask, adalah mereka yg tak tahu pada masa itu, tapi mereka yang tidak tanya akan bodoh selama-lamanya" that sounds lebih kurang  right...

It was a long time ago and it's an English proverb.  Just came to  mind..

Since I've had this realization, of wanting to study hard and smart and obtain awesome grades (Amin...) , I've been studying before the class starts, and because of that I want to and I was able to answer the questions that the lecturers ask, because kita nak be able to remember the lessons better and so that I don't have to study so hard coz I've done half of the studying in the classroom. 

Yesterday, kita rase in the same classroom I raised my hand three times, by the third time  Puan dah tak nak choose me untuk answer the questions. So rasenya I'm facing a problem I fear the most and perhaps the mean reason why I sucked when I was doing my diploma : PEER PRESSURE.

Because of my sudden productivity and bravery in asking and answering questions to lecturers, ada balak ni, perhaps bergurau je and mungkin kita  yg lebih terasa , but it really got to me.

Situasinya macam ni, lab tadi, So Mr K ni datang lambat, there's this guy perhaps older than me tapi sama kelas, he said I should call Mr K sebab 

" Rad kan berani . semua soalan ko nak jawab , semua soalan ko nak angkat tangan"

The question made me felt like, I want to go back to my sucky self. Rase mcm aku tak nak berusaha dah , rase mcm tak nak ask question dah, because if I do what I do and  I don't improve myself, rase mcm sia-sia, wouldn't they say," budak ni cakap je banyak tapi average je pun.  "

But I do feel like I'm making progress , but what he said made me feel like I want to end it there and then and be like the rest of them , tapi their results suck kut, and I don't want to have a sucky result lagi dah.

Kita rase macam , nak cakap kat dia 

"I'm asking and answering tons of questions ,sebab korang yg tak nak jawab mase dalam kelas, Kita nak improve kan kita punya result, if you guys don't then that's your problem"

I want to get DEKAN for myself tapi bila dah ade org cakap mcm ni rase mcm he's telling me to be like the rest of them : silent all the time and obtain result yang sama macam diorg. 

Tapi  bila dah macam ni, the only thing that is in my head when ever I raise my hand , is that at least I'm doing it for them...

things I think bila dah menghadap buku dalam tempoh masa yg lama.

I bought this box of clay yesterday dekat kedai kat kolej satu ni. I wanted to make a lady bug, but it looked terrible. Since xde black clay, it didn't look much like a lady bug, so I decided to take the spots off.  I did this after trying to remember the  three  steps of Gene expression. What are they again : REPLICATION, TRANSCRIPTION, .....TRANSLATION. (hope benda ni ade dlm kepala otak esok sebelum dia tanya)

You see, I hated subjects about DNA mase diploma, but now I'm takin' a whole course that is all about DNA. So  rather than hating it, I decided betape susahnya pun I want to U-N-D-E-R-S-T-A-N-D and L-O-V-E it. So much so, if  I could make love to it, I would.

YAWN . I am so sleepy right now. I've been studying a lot this days, I guess I'm using my bad CGPA to menebus kemalasan mase diploma. I'm even preparing for the the next lectures to come. (I never do that while doing diploma) I guess because both of my close friend dah obtained dekan, but I haven't . So I'm using this dekan thing as a trigger for me to study harder. Sebab diorang my best friends kut,....kalo diorg boleh dapat dekan kenapa AKU TAK BOLEH ???!!!

(yawn again) I think I'll turn in early tonight.Semalam went to bed at two got up at 6.30 . rase macam nak tercabut kepala otak ni,.menyesal gila x tido awal.

I swear I'll do it!!!

I've started a brand new chapter of my life, well not really new, I'm starting my degree, dah seminggu dah. But I do feel a sudden optimism that I'll do better than I did while taking my diploma. I mean I hope so... I mean.... Aminnnn.

Terus masuk part 3. Which is a good thing, I've even started doing some revisions. I never did my revisions before lectures start when I was taking my diploma. Janganlah benda ni hangat-hangat je.... Maybe because I have come to a realization that if I don't do well now I'll end up working in a kedai kain measuring and cutting kain ( my worst nightmare) . That, and my mother wants me to do master after I finish this, tapi rasenya   tapi rase mcm x nak je. Kalau boleh sambung BI best gak...

I am happy 'coz : 

• I'm starting over
• There's no practical training. At first I don't think of this as a good thing tapi dgr kata senior kena pergi praktikal trainining mase belajar.
• I don't have to repeat anything.  There are these chemistry subjects must be of certain grade when I was taking my diploma. Apparently I passed that grade. Yeay me (clap,clap)a
• Taking mandarin. Tapi tak best belajar mandarin rumi. Apparently, it does TAKE 2 parts of your brain to learn mandarin. I should have taken japanese, tapi mami kesayangan ku suruh ambik mandarin , xpe atleast kita mendekatkan diri to my roots.

The only thing  I'm not happy about is

• My damn external broke : Why God? Whyyyyy???!!! My Glee, Vandread and Strawberry Panic , and my Glee.Whyyyyy?!!!

  I took it to PAS and the dude said the hard disk is broken ,tadi control je dari nak nangis. I am now in the process of downloading vandread and strawberry panic all over again, dahla nanti glee season3 main dah, nak download tu lagi. Nasib baik Sailor moon dah simpan dalam dvd. GLEE rasanya I can ask from my friends,. Tak kuasa rasanya nak download 40+ episodes.

• My mom will kill me if she finds out, I thought of getting the same model and the same colour, but that seems too hard, so I'll have to make do with an 8gb pendrive.( Nak beli baru ke tak? tapi nanti dia perasaan. ?

Maybe God wants me to study tu sebab dia rosakkan external hd kesayangan ku...

So I just spend the last 6 hours cleaning up my meja study/makan/ mekap dan buat buku nota. I guess, ada baiknya jugak mami suruh bawak mug tu. In a way, it reminds me to study all the time...

So the end product...

ok tak? Keep in mind ni baru lepas kemas. kalau dah sehari 2 rupanya x mcm ni kut.

timbunan balang kuih raya yang mami suruh bawak kat sudut meja

kumpulan lipstick yg selalunya tak pakai pun, betul mami kita cakap, I just like to collect junk.

dan of course alat tulis yg baru dibeli dgn sakan sebab duit poket yg masih banyak

I can't help myself to decorate my desk with red-ish or pink-ish batik decorations. I thought I've outgrown them,(damn!bila nak jadi cool ni?). Dahla kita the type yg banyak stuff, pergi kls pun banyak stuff, payungla, airla,pencil casela. bukan main gemuk beg bawak gi kls tu. I guess that's all, I hope I'll do excellent in my degree..