merdeka dan Eid

Tears almost roll down my cheeks watching this vid. Especially this syawal... There's no country I love more than my own. Thanks matluthfi for compiling this videos.

Drove nenek to the hospital

Today is Thursday - a week after lulus JPJ driving test

Monday 22.8 - Dapat lesen memandu

Tuesday 23.8 -  Legally drove on the streets of my town to my nenek's house

Wednesday 24.8 - Bangun pagi dalam pukul 9 macam tu, my dad dengan sempoinya berkate :" Jom drive nenek pergi ambik ubat kat Hospital Alor Gajah"

So I drove my nenek to the Hospital. When we got to the hospital :

me : Nek, tak takut nek? org drive laju, org pun takut nek.

my nenek : Taklah, ko drive macam org dah biasa drive, tak mcm org baru belajar, sangkut- sangkut.Relax nenek...

Inilah mase terkembang muka. Bangga-bangga :)

This was suppose to be a routine check up since her bp meds run out. Sekali kena tido sejam dua, sebab bp dia naik.

So, same ade her bp rose because her bp meds was finished or she lied about being calmed and collected while I drove.

When we got home :

 

Dad : Lemah jantung nenek, ko bawak kereta.

When we told my mom :

 Mom : Kenapa Rad pulak yang drive, baru dapat lesen dah bawak penumpang.

Of course Dad backed me up he said I should drive, since I've already got my license.

I did drove fast, because 

1. I didn't want to be the slowest car on the road

2. I didn't want to be the slowest car on the road dan menyusahkan semua orang

3. Jalan best menurun je, mestilah laju. 

Tapi even if my nenek did lie to me ( I mean who are we kidding here, even if I was in the back seat, without rear seat belts and I was the one who's  driving I would be scared to death) I have to thank her for doing so. Sebab my mom was dead honest to me, when I drove her a few months ago : 

" Sakit jantung mami, tunggu dah setahun ko drive ,baru ko boleh hantar mami gi sekolah"

See, dia sgt tak supportive...

My dad lain pulak cite : dia kata aku drive ok je, tak de salah yang besar-besar pun.

So... Selamat Hari Raya.... tu jelah gamaknye

JPJ test was yesterday

I passed.  which was great. My mom said I should write it down in my diary.   And I guess I was happy about it. Perhaps because I was smiling tapi  didn't realize that I was. Semua orang boleh teka I passed without the need for me to tell them I passed. 

I think I mentioned the word passed too many times

So I met this girl. She said she recognized me, because we went to this tuition center together when we were like 12. She didn't pass by the way. The JPJ test that is.  She said she remembers me because I was good at English then. That's not the point.

She too studied at UiTM and graduating  this October. Now, this is the part where I'm not so happy. From my previous post, I've already mentioned I don't want do my convocation. Now I don't want to do it even more.

She said when we are going to take our scrolls there will be this huge LCD  screen, showing the student names and stars. These stars are supposed to show our grades. For example 5 stars if you are 4 pointer student. So since I did not obtain more than 3.00, I guess I will not obtain any stars. :(

Dia kata mcm ni, "Alah orang tak sempat pun tengok, semua busy mase tu".  I guess what I'm trying to say here I am so very ashamed of myself that I did not do well. That I did not obtain stars. I've been an OK student mase kat sekolah UPSR, PMR, I did not obtain straight A's but I was still proud of myself. And I wish I could just skip the graduation day. Tapi my mom and  dad really really  nak be there. So I guess I'm doing this for them.

For now I just want to do my degree and passed with flying colours bukan mcm mase kat diploma passed borderline...

So yeah, I can now drive legally on the streets. By drive legally, I mean drive macam babeng.

Yesterday

Wanted to visit my cousin's baby, well... that was the plan. We ended up visiting the parents instead. We weren't allowed to visit the little guy. Apparently he was.. well how do I put this into words... brain dead. That was what she said, my cousin's wife that is. 

I thought it was going to be another cliched new born baby visit. You know where you first look at the baby, and then admiring how red he looks, and then we will be able to hold  him, and then sigh every time he yawns . But then it didn't turn out like I've imagined. Especially not bulan puasa ni.When miracles are supposed to happen.

Never have I visit a new born baby, that was going to die soon. Rase sgt pelik. Macammana nak ckp ye, rase sgt pelik sebab you've been waiting for the baby to come tapi bila dah datang, it has to die. I believe they spent like less than 12 hours with the little guy, till the doctor  noticed something was wrong with the baby. My cousin said when he had him in his arms, he noticed that the baby was having a hard time breathing. Tapi sempat lagi my cousin bang kat telinga baby dia.

I feel sorry for my cousin and his wife. his wife dah dua minggu kat hospital tunggu mase nak beranak je. I never really cared about them until yesterday. Maybe because, the first time I met my cousin was last year, when he got married. Bayangkan , I never even knew the guy existed then. Tapi rasenya dia cool ngan kita Because unlike my other cousins (from my dad side ) he always tegur kita, even when his baby is dying dia still tanya keadaan kita, tegur kita , pesan belajar elok-elok. Unlike my other cousins yang act as if I'm invisible when I walked into a room. 

Yesterday, sebelum kita masuk tidur, kita tanya my mom , baby tu kena bagi name ke? My mom said , kena sebab nak daftar kematian. I couldn't imagine kalau kita yang kena macam  tu... it must be hard for them

Cakitnya....

It is my week off fasting. Aside from boleh makan di siang hari dan boleh makan tengahari dengan my mom, tak berapa suka bila  merasa excruciating pain caused by my uterus when it contracts and relaxes.  I kind of wished for this. Bukan sebab penat puasa tapi I have jpj test (again) this week.

I passed the road test and the circuit accept for one : the damned tiga penjuru. So I have to  do the whole circuit all over again. Now I can't eat or sleep without picturing myself driving in the circuit and doing it right this time. Hari tu sikit lagi nak lepas. sikit lagi, tapi sebab rushing....owwh God menyesalnya. dah lah I was the first one to do the test. No 1, bayangkan pressure nya, dahlah kena marah pak cik jpj tu sebab naik BUKIT tanpa arahan.  bencinya,,,

So I've been praying to god let my period come early this month,or later after the jpj test. let me be calm and collected while doing the HILL, the PARKING and 3-Penjuru and let me pass with flying colours , the first part obviously Allah dah makbulkan. Yang second tu je...

kawan-kawan lain yg ambik lesen same-same when I was 18 dah ade lesen . Kita je. Because of this I can't concentrate and do other things I want to do, blogging , finish the green tech essay, siapkan segala borang dan barang untuk masuk u. My mind sgt cluttered sekarang . God .....

So I know the cramps will be over by tomorrow, thursday nanti will be another driving practice, jumaat test jpj. Lepas tu MERDEKAAAAAA . Wahahaha . To those who read my blog , tolong doa pass test jpj okey?

Can't wait till the day I can drive (I can drive, takde lesen je) , get bored with driving, get a job, get bored with my job, lepas tu get bored with my life and then die ( sorry, sedikit dark sebab my cramps is really irritating)

when genes speak

There are times when I'm a procrastinator. Kita baru sedar it's a genetic trait. That or my procrastinating accidentally rubs off on my mother. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my mom. 

It's nothing big really. Semenjak kita sentiasa kat rumah, (other than obviously jage rumah)  I am always the one to do the typing for her. She has this thing which she has to do for school. Her essay questions : she's suppose to come up with two of them each month. Mind you, these are not just essay questions : these are form 6 punya pengajian am questions siap dengan dia punya  jawapan lagi. 

So, I guess what I am trying to say she stalls (macam kitalah jugak with my lab reports, bila dah banyak baru terhegeh bukak internet nak siapkan)  

m : ko tolong siapkan maminya soalan ade 4

me : apahal tak suruh awal2?. Apahal 4 banyak benar.

m : Hari tu ko sibuk ngan essay tu. 

So in conclusion, I took 3 hours to finish her work for her ( baru 3 dia punya kerja tu)  dari pukul 3 lebih sampai  pukul 6. Tapi xpe, takde lah asyik fikir bila nak bukak puasa. Laptop yg digunakan kita untuk suka ria dan tengok benda kurang berfaedah, pun dia yang belikan, so ape salahnya buat pahala ngan mak tersayang sendiri kan bulan puasa ni..

 Other than that, I have decided to enter another essay competition.

Baca punya baca dia punya syarat, it is to be written in BM (not my strong point)  karangan bertajuk    Check Global Warming and Upgrade Energy Efficiency through Green Technology (lagilah bukan my strong point) sebanyak 1500-2000 words. Dateline somewhere in Sept. Target sebelum raya siap.

So I have decided to write about something so serious that it is out of my league. 

Since the only thing I'm  good at is writing about myself and things that 're happening to me( kita tau kita sgt narcissistic) . I usually don't write that long too.  Tapi ni jelah yang ade, buat mase ni yg can be used to sharpen my gray matter. Sebab benda ni susah, rasenya boleh jadi cabaran, so I can be a better writer. So I mentioned about it to my mom ,sebab ego sgt I didn't even ask for her help.

Tapi I just mentioned it  sebab the last time I wrote in BM and she helped and sent it in a competition  dapat hadiah saguhati peringkat negeri . Ade good luck charm kut mami kita ni.

So when she asks dah cari ke kat internet bahan- bahan yg sepatutnya  ? I thought about how my mom and me are so much alike.

dah hampir seminggu dah

It has been almost a week dah puasa tapi, I haven't once stepped foot into bazaar ramadhan.  Why?!!!! you may ask?  There are exactly two excuses reasons my mom has come up with

Reason number one. We are replacing a  perhaps a 20 year old refrigerator (or esbok as we affectionately call it). Although, it has like important sentimental value my mom thinks we should replace it since we found out baby roaches would still be alive even after an overnight stay in the fridge.

And quoting my mother , no left overs should enter the refrigerator  or the second (newer one) fridge during the month of ramadhan. So no buying food out of lust and hunger during fasting. So everything that is prepared for break fast must be finished and if necessary must be eaten whole (xlah :)) . (Perkara yang selalu kita buat kalau dekat Shah Alam buying food for break fast and konon-kononnya buying food for sahur, itu sebab duit belanja cepat habis during fasting month than any other month) 

Reason number two. My mum is now sangat rajin cooking. You see, on regular days, my dad is the one to do the cooking.( I am the one who suppose to cut all the gingers, onions, garlic. Kalo dia tengok, kita x busy only then will he ask me to cook). 

His best dish this year (sebab tahun ni baru buat) is itik masak serai (serious, sedap). Kalo dia malas nak masak or tak sempat masak sebab gi kerja only then would he buy lauk(s).  Dan lauk untuk tengahari is also usually  lauk untuk dinner. So, again quoting my mother,"Selagi mami rajin masak, tak payah beli kat luar" 

So bulan ni makan semua sedap-sedap, bukak puasa tak makan nasi sangat, bihun goreng la, mee goreng la ,makaroni sup la. Sahur je makan nasi, which also my dad prepares. 

Baguslah kan jimat duit. Tapi I'm missing bazaar ramadhan common food stuff, macam dadih kaler-kaler tu, ayam percik, strange food that I never knew existed, tapi willing to try (biarpun tahu kemungkinan nanti sakit perut, is high) .

I am too missing maggie curry( ni free advertising ni name nya) which we usually have for breakfast.So I guess this is the only not good thing about, spending Ramadhan with my parents (dah 3 tahun ramadhan sendiri-sendiri) is that I can't spend money secara melulu on food, like I always do while on campus.

So ini jelah kut, sampai post yang akan datang..

Today ....

Today, my dad handed me this letter, its a convocation notice. Apparently there will be one this October. 

So kita fikir2, kenapa dia buat October, mase tu budak ade kelas, tak ke menganggu.  Tapi aside from this  I know how I really feel about convocation. 

I can't say I'm really proud of myself because I am no 4-flat student. I am exactly the opposite,I am among those who score less than 3.00. In fact, the only thing I was sure to get an A on is my English paper. Jadi I guess, I am just relief, that I got till the end. Lepas tu ade cousins kita tak lepas mase ambik degree UiTM dulu.(tu fobia sekarang ni nak ambik law). 

Tu lah sebab kita tak suka UiTM buat konvo mase budak ade kelas, kita punya azam mase degree adelah untuk buat betul-betul. Kita tak nak mcm mase diploma dulu lots of distraction, kawan tak study, kita pun tak study (sedangkan I know she concentrates better than me in lectures). 

Selalu tido dalam kelas ( dalam kelas English pun tido jugak tapi dpt gak A) dan sem depan ni my best friend takde,  xde org cubit atau tampar peha kita mase lecture ( ni dia pernah buat  mase lecture Entrepeneurship, I almost scream" OII BABI KAU POMPUAN" tapi takdelah dalam hati je. naya kalo jerit dlm lecture hall) 

Jadi for Tomorrow and many more days to come, kita nak mintak tuhan ni : I hope I have a best friend who studies with me and constantly yells out "Oii study esok ade test" and calls me at mornings wanting me to study. In short, I want a friend who cares, my best friend sekarang bukan tak care, care, cuma dia lebih produktif kalo study sorang-sorang. 

Nak harapkan balak, kita dah dumped dah. Plus dia business major kut, minat ke dia nak teman kita study subject DNA. So, nampak sgt kita bukan boleh study sendiri because well, from you can conclude I lack discipline.And that's what I want. 

Kita mintak dari tuhan kita nak discipline so TOMORROW kita boleh jadi a FLYING WRITER ( best kan impian kita nak jadi pilot dan penulis lagi lak tu)

Okey ah night, night.

(As you probably can tell, I am trying out different fonts)

I have it all planned out

I have it all planned out for next semester. I am going to carry out my new year's resolution : being cool to everybody, including the ones that I cannot stand.

But my mom  has a plan of her own :  it started when we were in Bandung she started to buy me these skirts (these are wavy extremely long skirts, and I rarely wear a skirt)  to wear them to class she said, I wear skirts but not on regular days. Then I started to think, what's wrong with the shirts and jeans I have on. Of course, I didn't say it out loud.

Lepas tu the previous week  we went on this shopping trip Midvalley : Kamdar she said I should  pick out blouses and skirts. Inside I am screaming " macammana nak jadi cool kalo aku pakai apa yang  dia nak aku pakai. ?!" I got it. I know for a 21 year old, I shouldn't look like a 16 year old. 

Because I have this immature anak dara look on me. (My small boobs are worsening this situation, God knows that if I could, I want the fat in my ass to move up to my boobs, but I can't so..)  And I got to say I like that I look different than my colleagues. I like that people say I should still be in high school. And if I wear a skirt I am going to look like most of them, like the rest of my friends, who supposedly to be mature, but all they can talk about is how cute is Korean this and that, owh my boyfriend does this, my boyfriend does that.

So, I guess all I want is to look like a cool guy (with shirts, jeans and sneakers (I have never worn one) ), I even thought of wearing my hair short, but terfikir pulak of my mom's reaction if I do, so I decide not to (I love my hair, walaupun kalau kita lepaskan nampak mcm kena puting beliung). I guess I want to look like a guy, because I think guys are cool, women are .... well they like to hold on,I should know I'm a girl myself.

  Jadi nak cite panjang lagi, tapi takut my mom wakes up, rase sambung esok la, Insyaallah...

texting sebelum buka puasa

mase ganti puasa rasenya x  rase lama pun, knapa pulak sekarang rase lama  mungkin sebab ade 28 hari lagi. Dah lah test jpj bulan ni .

1) Tadi mesej semua org sebelum bukak puasa ( by everybody meaning certain people)  

• I text-ed those during my practical training. 
• my best friend
• balak cool yg kita anggap mcm abang ni ,
• my ex  who I have met only one time, (so I don't really think of him as a serious boyfriend, but he seems to think I'm a serious girlfriend)
• another balak who also I've just met one time.

So obviously my best friend texted me back (kalo dia tak balas,siap)

and the only guy (my ex obviously) I don't want to text me back, text me back.  ( not that I don't want him to text me back tapi ayat dia mcm ni Rad ?!I mis you )  so of course I didn't balas his text. because I want him to move on, obviously he hasn't.

this cool bro let's call him L. He text-ed me back. Sadly, dia tak akan continue study next September. Ade dua org yg  sahaja yang kita harap akan  sambung degree dgn kita. Dia and my best friend, tapi dua -dua pun tak sambung sem depan. I told him about this so Siap dia lecture lagi, that I should be positive, biarpun diorg takde dan suruh kita bergaul dgn org lebih lagi. bayangkan dia the only dude yg sanggup terima kita masuk dlm kumpulan dia biarpun kita tersangat lah incompetent in my lab work. So I kind of care about him the most. Tapi dia ade awek, so x bleh care lebih-lebih.

diorg yg praktikal ngan kita ade dua org je yg balas. org yg dulu kita melenting sgt and there's this friend of mine. Balak yg hensem ( dan putih melepak dan sgt gebu x balas pun ) sdgkan kita nak dia yg mesej kita tersgt. and there's this girl who I like because she's nice, pun tak mesej.

So, kita tulis benda ni bukan nak cerita pasal kita sms dgn siapa sebelum buka puasa. Tapi to bring into renungan dalam bulan puasa ni kita hantar sms kat mcm-mcm org : org yang kita sayang, org yang kita melenting dan sworn tak akan cakap ngan dia lagi, orag yang kita barely know, orang yang kita has a crush on tapi dare not to say, and  my ex of course.

Dan kita tak sangka kita akan sms diorg lagi. So kesimpulannya sesungguhnya bulan ramadhan ni rasenya adelah bulan yang baik sebab, kita tak sangka kita sanggup beranikan diri berhubung dengan diorang biarpun sekadar nak ucap selamat berbuka puasa.  Jadi I guess ramadhan brings me closer to those around me .So happy ramadhan... (sebak pulak rasenya)